I’m writing these things on here because I feel life if you say anything in social media nowadays it can be interpreted in a million different ways. I feel like at least if I’m honest here you can judge me less because you’re on MY website lol. This is just to log the journey… what everything is teaching me in my life right now. Lessons, adventures, challenges, wins and losses… I wish we could all talk about these things more. I really want to speak to people about real life… so this is where I want to do it.
but you know what’s crazy… the other day I booked a $10,000 commission. It has been on my bucket list to make a piece of art that would make me $10,000 and now it’s just happened. And you know, of course I was elated about the money but at the same time this strange emptiness overcame me the next day…
I think I realized that nothing had changed at all…I felt exactly the same… and that both fortunately and unfortunately… what they always say is true. And of course I feel strange to even write about this… because of course I’m thankful to even have a chance to make a living as an artist and to be in the position I am in… but I think I just realized that the money… just like they have always said… doesn’t buy happiness.
I took a few days… which probably should have been more celebratory… to think about the future. I guess I’ve never really thought more deeply about what I’d do with the money other than what is meant to be done to it: spend it. I kinda of realized that I wasn’t chasing it anymore because I realized that a year ago I couldn’t imagine making 10k in a painting and here it is… so that only means that the money is just an idea that will continue to grow. Value and energy.
our whole life we chase money. We get the money so we can chase even more. In my life I feel like I keep reaching a mirage just as it evaporates and another appears simultaneously on the horizon.