Today we hiked a short section of Mt. Keelung on the Northern tip of Taiwan. We ascended the mountain one stone step after the other to the top of a peak that showed a breathtaking view of the East China sea and Keelung city below. The air was hot and completely still, and I was covered completely in a thin layer of sweat. Though the hike was short it was quite difficult, the stairs ascending steeply up the cliff, seeming to stretch on and on as you climbed.
During this hike I couldn’t help but think of a concept that I heard a Buddhist monk speaking about. He said that the higher you choose to climb in life, the more alone you will go… but the higher you climb in life, more of the valley will hear you. I’ve thought about this a lot recently in life… life a lot a lot… the journey of the soul, the inward journey, is much like this. Each person must decide how high they would like to go… But just like this hike we did today, the higher you go the more difficult it gets to breathe, your legs start to give, and it gets more difficult with each step. Sometimes looking upward at the inevitability of growing up and the growing responsibilities, complications, and challenges of life can lead to a total feeling of despair.. almost as if the best parts of life are continually being left behind us.
I’ve been spending a lot of my time trying to understand this dilemma… trying to find an answer to these feelings. Does my future only hold more pain & brokenness, and if so what am I supposed to make of this all? But this monk’s analogy has helped me understand the deeper meaning under it all and has helped me to begin the process of choosing my own path for myself.
The Fire
Today I felt this feeling inside of me… this fire. A desire for life… the fullness of life… to be awake to my own life and my life’s true purpose. I feel this fire burning away the distractions, delusions, and comforts that are keeping me away from what it is I truly want to experience. My true destiny. Why my soul is here on this Earth at this particular time for a particular reason.
It’s hard to explain, but I feel like my life so far has been trying to fit together this puzzle. Each chapter, each expereince, each detour… was just fitting one more small piece into this larger picture. To find your path, you must be willing to go through the process of finding many many pieces of the picture to put together. I look back on my childhood and my twenties… and how many things I have been willing to try at, to fail at, to experience, to be curious about… and in the moment though things have seem futile many times, I understand now that it was all just gathering bits and pieces of the puzzle. Eventually, the pieces start to form the image… something recognizable, real and tangible.
That’s where I feel like my life is now… the pieces beginning to form the image. AHHHHHH finally something I can recognize…. a context and a purpose for all of this.
I think about the monks analogy. I am meant to speak to the valley. I desire to speak to the valley. I’ve felt it my whole life, and now I know it. I don’t want to stop in the middle of the path, I don’t want to stop 3/4 of the way up the mountain. I want the view from the top. This realization has helped me to accept the challenges of everyday life… giving suffering its context. We go through things so that we may grow and be strengthened, so we may convert the energy into something to be sewn back into the Earth. Just like a seed.
This revelation has set me on a path of preparation for the times to come. I’m preparing myself to speak to the valley… to climb the peaks of my life and to finally see my life’s magnificent panorama. The process of life itself… being grown, formed and molded - open to the dance between the soul and the universe in her infinite wisdom and truth. I’ve accepted the lonely path… This is who I am and who I’ve always been… and now I know exactly what I need to do… which is to simply put one foot in front of the other.
I hope to see many of you at the top someday… meet me there.
