There are moments in life that require absolute and ruthless decision. To not look back, to focus more, and to lunge forward without remorse. There is something I realized with this blog. I’ve been really struggling to write this blog because I realized that I Was censoring it. I was writing with an “audience in mind”…. wondering who I might offend, or if I might feel misunderstood or judged etc. Not that the recent blogs have been bad by any means but I do feel like i was really TRYING to write a blog versus just writing a blog you know what I mean? I just remembered that this is a blog… it doesn’t really have to be anything…just what is meaningful to me in this very moment to write about.
Recently, I have spent a lot of time contemplating the meaning of my own life but also the “norm” that I would consider living a typical American lifestyle. In the end, we’re all really after money… but recently I’ve been wondering how many of us even know what we want to do with all the money that we so desire. Opening my store has given me such a perspective into the mind of the average consumer. I meet a lot of people and have a lot of conversations. I observe the businesses… the brands of those businesses that are represented. What is the true ethos of all of this beneath the slick marketing and branding? It’s made me just consider my own life and made me start to wonder if I have ever truly differentiated between wants and needs in my life…. and how maybe the confusion of the two is what makes a lot of us so miserable. It’s the never ending pursuit of pleasure… these wants…that leave us further dissatisfied and further away from our true purpose.
I want to talk about these kinds of things with everyone I meet but sometimes I’m not sure if it is appropriate and if they’re gonna start looking at me crazy. I think about everyone I meet and see on a daily basis. Are you satisfied? And why or why not? Like… when we all go home, after work or after the party or the date or the concert or the bar or whatever we do, do you feel like where you are supposed to be?
I believe that beneath everything we pursue in our society lies this desire to feel like you are where you are supposed to be. That the time and efforts you are spending are not a waste of time… and that ultimately, what you do matters. I have to believe that there lies a deeper satisfaction in this experience that we call life than just working and resting/escaping from working. What we’re looking for is a reason. a reason to be here.
Right now in my life I’m becoming hyperfocused. I’m going through that moment in life where you’ve suddenly noticed everyone’s appearance has changed. We all used to look young but now everyone looks just slightly different. It’s a sad feeling seeing your parents get older. It makes me think about my own life a lot and at what point we begin to look backwards instead of forwards. I personally never want that day to come in my life. But all this has kicked something inside of me into high gear. Not that I haven’t been focused, but I had to go through certain freedoms to understand for myself where certain distractions lie, and which path to take in the future. I’m catching a vision for myself and the journey is demanding some sacrifice.
But in the end, how I have chosen to view my own experience of life, is that there’s no point in not doubling down on the bet once you feel it. It’s not always time to throw every chip in, but there are certainly moments where it is critical to do so. Not based on any sort of fact but based on this strange gut feeling that you have been here before and you’ve experienced the outcome. If there is anything that the last two or so years has taught me is that the universe is quite ready to meet you, it’s a matter of how fully you are willing to free fall into the unknown. The beautiful thing is that the more you jump the more you realize that you are met every single time. and that’s simply how it works. Faith… the willingness to go first.
My friend told me I probably need to let myself cry. Yeah, I feel that, I feel like I should too. I feel it coming at some point. But man yall, it’s quite a crazy time for me right now. A lot of things are changing and bubbling beneath the surface. I have made plans for my life, plans for what I can help create for Atlanta and the world beyond. It’s moving quite quickly tbh it feels like sometimes I’m standing completely still and completely along in a crowd of people, watching everyone go by. I realized I haven’t processed everything that’s happened for my life recently…I realized I don’t let myself feel like I’ve done a good job for some reason… like there’s always something more to do and to keep growing and pushing. But I want to cherish these times and all the vistas and lessons they have brought me alike.
This time marks the emergence of a technicolor bird, rising from the remains of a time that has since passed and burnt away. Here only for an instant, it is the time of the renewal of values and the return to the creation of moments through sound and music, as the phoenix is said to represent the pentatonic scale in music. It is a time to let that which has turned to ash fall off these new feathers and to fearlessly reach toward the sky to meet the dragon at the turn of 2024. The time is now yall, the phoenix era!