Hey yall, I wanted to write a blog post about one of my new works, called “Born Again.” Included in this post will be a little bit on the process of creating this three panel painting (triptych) and also what was going on in my life that inspired me to paint this piece. This piece was completed and shown for my first solo exhibition that came and went in May, and I wanted to really push the envelope for myself I also got some film photography back from over the months so I wanted to let you in on the process through the photography as well.
I have always wanted to complete a triptych. The overall design of this painting is actually inspired by European Triptychs that I was lucky enough to see in person in Italy during the summer of 2015. The composition was also equally inspired by the long horizontal Chinese paintings that I was looking at at the time. I thought that by doing three panels, I could really accentuate each part of the mythical bird, and really show off the flow and the colors of the tail.
“Born Again” in Process 1
Process
I worked on this painting over the course of several months. I actually didn’t like it that much for the majority of the process. Some painting flow out easily, and some others are a battle to the very end… needing to push through doubts and the voice that is always temping artists…”this sucks, why don’t you quit?” One value I have set for myself as an artists is that I force myself to finish. Tattoooing actually opened up this idea for me because in tattooing you have no choice but to finish. Imaging getting a tattoo and half way through the tattoo artist stops and says… “you know what I don’t like how this is going I’m just gonna stop right here…” haha right? And believe me, tattoo artists are all human and have those same thoughts and fears.
It is always important to finish because in all reality, you don’t ever know what you can do or what can come of something until you see it to the end. And in my personal experience, I am 100% always, ALWAYS, glad to finish a piece because with some perspective and time, you realize it was always better than you thought in the first place. How many times do we quit halfway through something, when maybe all it needs is a few more hours to become a masterpiece? You never actually know… be sure to listen to the right voice in your head.
For “Born Again” I did not anticipate the colors to be what they would become. During this time I was working on my other piece “I Miss You” and was really enjoying a new watercolor set that I had gotten. I had no idea what I was going to do when I started the phoenix, but allowed my interests at the time to dictate my decisions. I look art art this way… do. not. overthink. things. when it comes down to what should i paint? what should i draw? what should I color? Just come always back to the simplicity of it all… what do you like? do that.
“Born Again” In Process 2
As I was filling in the colors, I started to feel much better about the piece. The colors reminded my of old fruit roll up candies I used to eat as a kid… the fruity gradients of the tropical plastic flavors. I actually almost named the piece “fruit roll up phoenix” too, but felt in the end to go with “Born Again” to further accentuate the spiritual theme I was feeling at the time, and still feel in this time of my life now.
The last two touches were the complete red background and the snowfall. I wanted to do the red cause I saw it in my head, and wanted to take a risk. Again, I didn’t like it at first… but then over time I realized that the reason I felt like that was because it was DIFFERENT, not BAD. I started to open up myself to risks and to accept the consequences of those artists risks. With every painting I do, one of my main objectives is to always try something new or different, as a way to push myself and also to remind myself that change is good and progression is the goal, not perfection.
The frame
The frame needed a whole paragraph for itself. This mother effing frame haha…. I built the frame by hand, and for obvious reasons and what I realized through the first time building the frame, that the margin for error was MUCH smaller than building a single frame. I ended up having to construct this frame TWO times in one night because as the wood in my first build was warped ever so slightly, so after I put it all together, the last panel would not fit in properly. At this point, it is to be expected. With every build, I always expect some sort of error or bullshit to happen (thanks for murpheys law)… so at this point… I took a deep breath, maybe uttered “fuck” a few times under my breath… and prepared to start over. I think me and my friend simone went to eat sushi or something but I stepped out, went to home depot, bought the wood AGAIN… and started again.
The deadline for my solo show was quick approaching, so I ended up staying up all night to complete the frame correctly.. and get this… at about 4:30AM I am using a pneumatic nail gun to finish the frame and on the LAST nail of the frame the nail gun jams. So here I am again paying my respects to murpheys law… taking this happening now as personal tests of will and belief. so from then on it was hammer time. Later in the evening I ended up figuring out how to unjam the gun and put the finishing touches on my piece as the sun was coming up in Castleberry Hill.
The process of building the frame was as difficult as the painting itself, but the satisfaction I have now from that memory and the story of putting all together is what makes it all so special to me. After all, what else would I have wanted to do with my time and energy?
Born Again
Across different cultures, the phoenix is a symbol of rising from the ashes of fire. I called this painting “Born Again” as a way to nod to my experience in Christianity but also call to question in my own life what being “Born Again” really means. In Christianity “Born Again” is a very common term used for someone who has been “saved,” but I always felt the concept in the religion was very vague. Like how am I born again but still the exact same. I don’t know what I think about all that right now, but I do very much believe in the regenerative story of life that we are all invited to live in each day… The chance to reinvent ourselves, to rise to new heights, and to be renewed and forgiven. Each day we can be born again, letting go of the past and pressing on towards how things need to be. I feel like my life right now is very much the feeling of the phoenix, going through the process of letting go of everything I “thought” I knew to find the truth, and finding my soul spirit flourishing into many colors on the other side of the fire. I also painted the Phoenix in snowfall because it is symbolizing the flourishing of the spirit in a cold time, and the rising of beauty into spring and the warmer months.
I hope yall enjoy this painting as much as I do. It will forever remind of May 2022, where I felt like what I had been working on for so long came to life in front of me. Born Again.
AB