LETS CATCH UP
What’s going on everyone! Thanks for making your way back to the blog. It’s been a really long time since I’ve written a proper one. My life took a really interesting turn and I’m trying my best right now to catch everything back up. If you’ve been a reader of the blog, and have been wondering what’s been going on here, I want to catch you up. And if you’re brand new to this blog, welcome. This is a place where I like to write my honest observations, feelings, and experiences. This is a place where I’ve always wanted to take the conversation deeper, and hopefully put some ideas out there that are a little more substantial than social media. Here I talk about a lot of different aspects of my life - art, music, God, random thoughts, things that don’t make sense to me.
I did want to address the last big post I did, called “Escaping Christianity.” Yeah that one. I’m sure everyone’s probably moved far on from that post, but honestly putting all that out there was an undertaking I did not yet understand at that time. It was one of those things you feel like you need to do, but I had no idea it would affect not only me, but all of you out there in the way it did. It was overwhelming, it was heavy, but it was really powerful. I have learned so much from that moment about all I said, and live pretty open handedly with all of that stuff. I think the scary thing about writing anything is the fear that people will cement you into that idea. But I view all of this now as passing experience, giving myself the grace to change, redirect, reconsider, and grow through all of my experiences in life. I do want to say, if you responded to that post, wrote me an email, know that I had read it. It got to a point where I didn’t know what to say to people anymore, the stories were so important, but I didn’t feel like I was in a place to respond to them after a while. Maybe the post just allowed a lot of people to admit the same thing together, and I think that’s always been the point of doing this blog - to talk about the hard things and also help everyone feel a little more comfortable asking them and talking about them. After all, I don’t think we all know what we’re doing as much as like to portray, so to me it’s like, why pretend? Anyways, all that to say, writing that last blog post took so much out of me, and I even tried writing some follow up posts, but the energy I needed to re-engage the internet in that just wasn’t there for me. But, I’m back on here, and excited to catch everyone up on my life at this time! What I am hoping this post will be is a broad-stroke update of where I am at with my creative journey.
LONG STORY SHORT
So, at this juncture, this is where I’m at - I’m in my 4th fine art gallery show of the year as a painter, I am a tattoo apprentice at City Of Ink Tattoos under Miya Bailey, I’m working on painting commissions, I just booked my first official modeling gig with an agency, and I’m moving my music studio down to Atlanta to capture the sounds and the music that engulfs me every day in my life at the moment. I spend my days (and most nights) at the tattoo studio, helping maintain the space and the business while also having the incredible privilege of learning from not only Miya, but from the other incredibly talented artists around me. I am not speaking in a hyperbolic way - every single day right now opens my eyes wider and wider. I am completely locked in and focussed on this opportunity in front of me, which I believe to be once in a lifetime. I am often overwhelmed by the “holy crap” feeling of this experience, and I am learning to balance the two feelings of “I totally do not deserve to be here” vs “I am here for a reason.”
playing bass on edgewood
As far as how I got to this place, we’d need to sit down and have coffee. But to make the long story short - when I moved to Atlanta in the summer of 2020, I found an amazing group of people and brew bar called Gilly Brew Bar in Stone Mountain Georgia. I mean seriously check them out. I was blown away by their innovation and their commitment to disrupting and shifting coffee culture. After a while of coming around and hanging with Daniel and the rest of the staff, we decided to try moving my music studio into Gilly. That happened in March of 2021. Through Gilly, I found my way to Peters Street Station (PSS) in Atlanta, where Gilly will be opening their second location. I remember the first time I walked in there, the strangest and deepest feeling stirred in me. It was in the middle of the day, and my friend Toni and I were in Atlanta driving around, and we decided to stop by for a tour. Petie, the GM of PSS, who has since become a good friend of mine, showed us around. The best way I can describe that moment was like a magnet was turned on in me, drawing me towards what I later understood to be where I was supposed to be. From then, I started going to the jam sessions on Wednesdays at Peters Street. It’s an open jam where any and everyone can get up there to either play or sing. Again, at that first jam session, I felt that magnet pull me. I remember sitting at the bar, wanting to play so bad, but also feeling so scared, intimidated, and not good enough to be there. But this year, I’ve made a promise to myself to face my fears in life and believe my way through them. I have began the change the way I view not only myself but also the way I view emotions such as fear, insecurity, and discomfort. And to me, there’s really two ways to do it: you either listen to your fears and run from them (self-protect), or view your fears as an opportunity to grow. These days, whenever I feel a fear about a social situation or an opportunity in art or music, I force myself to try it, and it is my own way of proving to myself that things are not that big of a deal. Anytime I hear a voice that says “nahhhh better not talk to them, or nahhh better not ask for that” I believe to be exactly what I’m supposed to do. Do that for a while and you realize that it is what you’re supposed to do in most cases. You just have to be paying attention to it. People don’t really care that much about what you do, it’s all passing, so to fear what people think is becoming completely impractical to me. So, that’s how I got involved in the jam. The first time I was there, within the first 15 minutes, I forced myself up on that stage to pick up the bass. And I did that, every week, for like 5 months. The jam became my highest priority, it was like church, I never missed a Wednesday unless I was out of town. There were so many weeks that I felt like I missed the mark or “failed” as a musician up there (a lot of people up there are really really really good), but I began to realize that by thinking that way I was missing the point. It was just about growing and enjoying music and people. And I feel so lucky to have been around the caliber of musicians and creatives in that way and have met some really great friends through that. All that to say, I remember that first jam and getting up there as a turning point for me, it changed the trajectory of my life, cause I proved to myself that truly the only thing in the way of where I wanted to be was myself. My own mind.
GETTING INTO TATTOOING
my meeting with corey davis
From that point on, I continued to build a relationship with PSS and eventually was able to show in two art shows there at Hidden Gallery 333, then in July, I got wind that Corey Davis, the owner of City Of Ink on Edgewood was asking about me. I decided to go down to the shop to talk to Corey and he wanted to ask if I would be interested in becoming a tattoo artist. I can’t thank Corey enough for this opportunity because it flipped the switch. It was right there. The magnet was at 100%. and it clicked like, whoa, I really want to do this. I had always wanted to, like even in college I was drawing fake tattoos on people, I just never felt like I wanted to give up music and art to do it, but I don’t believe I have to anymore. We can do it all! I remember being in the shop on Edgewood and watching Corey do a dragon back piece, and just being the shop, it was an incredible feeling. From that point, I considered my options and decided I wanted to stick around PSS, after all, that place was the impetus for everything. So I went back to Peters Street and I booked an appointment with Miya on August 9th to approach him about being his apprentice. That was Monday, and then I started on that Wednesday. I feel like my whole life, all my experiences, all the ups and downs and strange and unexplainable things up until this point, was like slowly ascending the first big hill on a giant roller coaster ride. Slowly clicking up that first hill, getting higher and higher, filled with fear of the unknown, excitement, and mystery all together. Then, on that Wednesday August 11th, my first day of the apprenticeship, the roller coaster of my life had reached the crest of that very first hill. And on that Wednesday it felt like those few moments of absolute silence when the cart is released from the chains at the tom of the hill, and you hear a few people muttering “Oh My God,” and then, in what felt like both a totally mundane but momentous moment, the roller coaster began its descent. And it cannot run backwards.
How It’s Going
I’m about a month and a half in. What I have experienced is so overwhelming, and even if I wrote down every experience here, it would still fall incredibly short. It is impossible to explain with words. On a typical day, I get to the studio between 2-3:30pm, sometimes earlier, and I clean and set up for Miyas tattoo. During that time, I’m drawing, painting, or recently been getting all the un-fun stuff set up - LLC, website, email list, announcements, branding. I am attentive to Miya’s process and am soaking up each nugget of wisdom that he drops. In this environment, you and only you are responsible for your place and your experience. It is truly you get out what you put in. Period. No one’s telling you what to do and rarely how to do it, it activates deeper part of you that needs to be on point, never cutting corners. I’m realizing the importance of integrity, and how the rest of our social structures really lack this trait. For the most part, people go through life believing that it’s someone else’s job to get things done - it’s someone else’s job to fulfill us, it’s someone else’s job to do all the work to create experiences for us, it’s someone else’s job to make sure you even know what your job it (think about a corporate job description)… We even rely on other people to tell us who we are and what we’re supposed to do with out lives. And that to me, personally, is terrifying. This apprenticeship operates on a completely different axel. No job description, no set hours, no HR department… it’s simply asking you everyday, “how badly do you want to do it?” And the way I’m seeing it, the benefits of being here and all the life it is going to teach me is totally worth getting to start at the bottom of the totem poll. I’ve realized that hard work doesn’t seem that hard when it has a purpose. Mopping floors and cleaning bathrooms is like second nature to me now, I don’t even sweat it, because of the incredible knowledge and skills that I am able to learn in return. I would much rather do hard work for a purpose, than easy work that builds virtually nothing for tomorrow.
a moment I will never forget, watching Miya pick out references for the first time. I couldn’t believe the speed and confidence.
Currently, I’ve finished all my rebranding stuff, got my email list in order (that’s what I just sent you!), and I’ve just got my machine and all my tattoo supplies. The more I learn the more I realize I have to learn. Like, I’ve only scratched the very surface of art and all that I could do within that context. I’m at the very very surface. I do have moments recently where I’m thinking, I can’t do this. Like I’ll have these moments of anxiety where I just want to go back to how everything was 3 months ago. But that’s just fear talking. Again, I believe I’m here for a reason and everything in me is aiming to maximize this very important moment in my life. Like, everything I’ve ever wanted to see is just waiting for me, right here. I just have to work really hard to get to it.
As far as when I will being tattooing, I wish I could give you a date. But I am approaching. this art with a lot of respect. I want my tattoos, when they go on your skin to make you and I feel amazing. I want my clients to have an amazing experience all around, with me, with the conversation, with. the execution and with the tattoo itself. I want my clients to learn about life through their experience with me, and about art and history and the overall deeper meanings of things around them. I want my clients to feel like I do now in life, that you can be anything you wanna be and can express your message into the world and be proud of the person you are becoming. And all this will take time. I’m currently going to listen, read and draw my skinny Taiwanese ass off. I opened up. a waitlist on the tattoo page, and you can sign up to get a tattoo once I’m ready. I’m currently using that list as a guide to practice certain motifs that y’all want, and then when Miya and I think I’m ready, I will be reaching out.
But that’s it all in a nutshell yall. Thank you for reading. Please follow along, sign up for the email list, and enjoy the ride!
EXTRA CREDIT
if you’re new to reading this blog, I always did some extra credit at the bottom, just as a thanks for reading all this and investing into my life. (by even reading this you are investing into me, in my oipinion). So, I would always write some advice or something I’m learning at the end with extra credit.
So the extra credit today is this. Pay attention to those magnetic moments - it might be a place or a person, or just something you want to step towards. That’s in you for a reason. It will take some effort and you will need to get uncomfortable inevitably. But if you get used to being uncomfortable, you will know longer be that uncomfortable. get what I’m saying? Growing is a skill, and pursuing the things that attract you regardless of how scared you are is a very important thing for all of us to learn. Thanks for reading.
Also, at the VERY end of the post, I’ll give the context of the header photograph. All of these photographs are from my film collection, which I don’t like to share a lot of them online. I also choose the header photograph very carefully as some sort of easter egg. And at the end of the blog, you get it! The header photograph is from my very first day of apprenticeship. I was so nervous. Thank you Surayya for guiding me through those first days and for taking this picture.