There are some times where I live through life with this undeniable but subtle pressure that I need to be more. Like there’s this little voice following me around telling me that I’m never going to make it, whatever that means. This pressure invades almost every area of my life. I oscillate between feeling like I’ve figured somethings out and feeling like I am a giant child.
Today I thought about grace and what it really is apart from its cliche’s and oversimplifications. I was trying to understand it within the context of my life. Does this grace thing really exist? Does it work? And I felt this deep sense of, “its okay.” Like, all that pressure you feel, maybe you can let yourself out of it. Maybe you don’t have to listen to it. And maybe it’s okay to, you know… see yourself as okay. To many this may be an elementary practice that you have mastered long ago. But to me, it’s still a critical thing that I need to learn.
It’s funny how we convince ourselves that we’ve learned things. Even things as simple as “you don’t have to earn love.” I would have told you that I knew that. But until I actually believe it, do I really know anything?
Why do we feel like we have so much to prove? And to who?