Here’s that picture. One of my favorites recently. This is my dog Marley who has been rolling hard with me for a long long time now. Love this dog. It has been a beautiful spring, and there have been many meals eaten in the quiet all alone right here on this little stoop in front of my house. Since everything slowed down, I’ve begun to notice so much around me. The colors, the sounds, and beauty that’s right in my front yard. It really is all so amazing if you were to take five seconds to think about it. I’ve been challenging myself to stop and look at and appreciate things for at least fifteen seconds at a time. I have found myself looking at a lot of trees. Trees are INSANE YO! They all seem bigger now, or am I just going crazy? Anyways, I heard that it takes that sort of intentionality for our brains to really soak in something good, whereas negative emotions and experiences are felt immediately. I heard it in a podcast, so who knows if that’s actually true, but I really like the idea anyway. I don’t think we sit and appreciate things as we ought to… always wishing we had something better when what we need it right in our front yards (that could be a metaphor). But, you may have not come here for metaphors. You came here for the most epic May update in all of history. My May update! I’ll be sharing about new music, recent studio adventures, things I’m thinking about in life, about buzzing my hair, and about moving from Athens. Hope you enjoy and as always, thanks for reading.
New Music
I’m working on a new record. Since March, I’ve produced an entire new record. 7 songs made it on. I’ve found new sounds, new expressions. I’ve lived in the studio. There was a point there where I think it was getting a little unhealthy to be honest. Or… awesome… I don’t know. I’d just make and make and make noises until 3 or 4 in the morning for weeks on end. That little part is over, and I can’t imagine doing it now, but something about those few weeks back in March were really really special. This has been one of the most unblocked, joyful, and pure expressions I have ever experienced. It reminds me of when I was first starting making my own music in college, when I created from such a pure wide-eyed place, since music at that time wasn’t yet connected to my value or identity. I feel like over the years I’ve gone through such a journey with this and have found that pure place again. I would say, without hesitation, that I reached new heights on all levels with this record. I am so proud of what I’ve discovered and created, and found a new space as far as producing, writing and mixing. This new album is about love. Love and the perspective it can bring. Love and the newness it can bring. Love and the pain it can bring. Love and the endless lessons it will teach. It also is about nostalgia and saying goodbye. I feel like this record, in more ways than anything I’ve released, is truly me. I don’t know when I will release it, but I am going to go all in on this thing, giving you the best I’ve got. That’s all I can say for now, but I want to get you excited too. I’ve been recording the record mostly at my house (bloom sounds) and looping in some dear friends for some other elements. But there was one day where I had an idea to rent my friends studio a little outside of town… a giant warehouse filled with all sorts of wild instruments. Gongs, harps, synths, pianos… so much. I went in there for a whole day and just made sounds. It was so fun. Then my friends came and helped sing on my album. That was one of my favorite days. Here are some photographs from that time.
The Studio
I’m starting up work again as a producer. Definitely had to lay low due to the virus, but I’ve been making some things with some of my good friends recently. If you want to hear what I’ve been working on, here are some links to songs I’ve produced in this time. Sometimes I forget how much a privilege it is to produce. Sometimes I forget the magic and the beauty of music and the power we have to create things that didn’t exist before we decided to try to make them exist. That’s pretty crazy. I’m been coming back to such a deep sense of thankfulness that people trust me with their art. Thank you fam if you are reading. It is a true privilege to serve you in this way. Check out these songs and add them to your playlists. And WAY more coming after the summer. recent faves, produced and mixed by yours truly at Bloom Sounds
click the album art and it will take you to Spotify
Lighthearted - “Asking For A Friend”
Joani Ray - “Joani Ray EP”
Trisha Adams - “Just Happy To Be Here”
Mike Murphy - “Seams”
all these covers have a similar color scheme whoa ^
I’m Moving!
And I guess here is some bigger practical news. I’ve decided to move on from Athens and head to Atlanta to explore more things and begin a new chapter in my life. There will probably be way more writing about this transition later. But long story short, I began to feel the tug - to something new, to something unknown. I began to feel this unease in my gut about being here and began to ask myself the question, “how far could I really go?” I have grown to believe more and more in who I am and what I can do, and there is something in me that is really wondering how high I can go with my music. And it’s not necessarily about becoming famous or saying that I made it big… but I began to see in the last few years the power of integrating my passions with my faith with love and also my authentic self. It is really powerful and people need it, and I think I could do some really good things in the music industry given how I feel like I have been uniquely gifted and made. I want to be real salty. At first, it was going to be Los Angelos, and may be in the future, but after some considering and also given the factors thrown into the mix by our old friend COVID-19, I landed on Atlanta. It’s a larger city, and also will allow me to be close to home. I think I’m more connected to the south than I had wanted to admit. I plan to continue to grow my recording business and my career as a producer and an independent artist and writer. I also plan to dive more into my passion for making hip-hop, a newly discovered love of mine, or I should say, revisited. I feel a sense of fascination with this art and have felt for a while now, actually, that I could do some really good in that world. The last nine years in Athens have been so important and so full. I would not have done any of this any different. I felt like I was able to grow in so many ways as an artist and a producer and also was able leave a small legacy behind me. My friends and I, from every single season of this place, wrote a beautiful chapter here. But anyways, it’s a little early for my goodbye speech, which I’m sure I will want to write later. I just wanted to let you know! And if you are a pray-er and have some extra prayers, I would kindly ask that you would pray for the right doors to open and that God might provide life-giving opportunities that allow my passions and personality to really thrive and work in a powerful way. I believe music and the process of making music can change people’s lives. I’ve seen it!
All My Hair Is Gone
I buzzed my hair here is a picture! i know i know i know i know the long hair was cool, but I have had it for years and I just wanted to do this. And not to be all meta about this and make it deeper than it needs to be, but I think personally it was an exercise in letting go. When I was deciding to do it, I really did have to consider how much I really did feel connected to how I looked. I was kind of afraid of being less attractive or looking weird, so I wanted to do something that would help me see that all that stuff doesn’t really matter. I don’t know if I’m weirder than other people, or just a human who feels like they don’t have much to lose by being honest on the internet, but I feel like I’ve put so much value into how people look, including myself. Spending so much time trying to make myself more attractive, or putting way too much weight on how attractive girls are… ascribing someone’s value to how good they can look. And I feel like I’m growing through all this, and yes maybe it’s just natural, but it’s something I’ve noticed about myself and would like to grow out of. I want to see people for people. And I guess with my hair, I just thought the fact that it made me reconsider my value based on whether I had beautiful hair was a sign that it was a good idea to shave it off. So there it is! Don’t worry I have plans to grow this fuzz ball to a beautiful beautiful thing later. But for now, I will enjoy the sports with no more hair ties and the showering without blow drying, and no more clogs, and no more of my hair everywhere. Oh yeah, and I might not get anymore samurai jokes when playing basketball in public. Also, swear I can run twice as fast.
Things I’ve Been Thinking About (Extra credit)
So many. But here’s some. My entire adult life I have been trying to figure out if I’m a good hearted person who does bad things or a bad hearted person trying their best to do good. I’ve always struggled with this, because I’ve definitely done things that I would consider bad. I’ve disappointed myself, people close to me. I’ve failed, gone back on my word, disrespected people, hid. I’ve done and seen things that you’d probably never think I’d do or see. There have been so many times where I’ve turned out to not be what I seem to be. On the other hand, I’ve also displayed so many meaningful moments… so many authentic gestures of love, support, encouragement and positivity out into the world. And that’s always been so confusing because on one hand I feel like I know myself and my heart feels healthy, loving, and willing. But then sometimes, often out of nowhere, crash. It just makes me wonder sometimes where that bad stuff comes from, that’s all. And yes, it’s probably a mixture of hundreds or thousands of different factors, but this duality I’ve experienced in myself is discouraging and frustrating so much of the time. And to address my original question: am I a good hearted person who does bad things or a bad hearted person trying their best to do good? I’m not sure if there really is an answer. Maybe my peace is found in the truth that we are all paradoxes. We all say things and then do the opposite. We all fail. We all have secrets. and in reality… we’re all really scared of a lot of things and that makes us do insane things. Maybe the understanding of this duality lies in the reality that somehow, someway… despite every time evil has triumphed over good in my life… today I had a shot at a full, purposeful, and meaningful life. I felt love, received love, and gave love. I felt and heard God amidst all of the pain and discomfort I felt, even today. And that means something out there really, really cares about me, and believes in me, and might even think that I’m an amazing person who has the capacity to do bad things… an amazing and precious person who was made for good, that will still inevitably do more bad things as he continues to try his best to live a life that matters. And that is life. That is being human.
I am really hoping this doesn’t come off as dramatic or self deprecating, but I don’t think I will ever arrive at a place where I will be able to say, I’m 100% a good person. Never. I’ve been waiting all my life and it hasn’t happened yet so that’s telling me something about how this thing is shaking down. I will always be failing over and over again. Learning lessons. Breaking things along the way. But as I think about my life, I realize that I have come quite a long way with this thought. Personal failures used to really break me. They’d freeze me and send me into depression. Failures would cost entire periods of my life, spent in shame and self sabotage. I would attach my identity to my failures so heavily and would believe a lot of the nasty lies I’d hear in my head. But I’m seeing now that I respond way different to failure now. I’m seeing, in small ways as I grow, that my failures are not me, and that I’m learning, slowly, how to separate my identity from my failures. I’m seeing the difference between my actions and my heart, and am allowing myself to believe this about myself - that I really didn’t wake up this morning wanting to bring pain into this world, and that I was just in pain myself and sometimes it wells up so strong that it spills out.” I’m learning what it’s like to extend grace to myself, and to receive grace from God and from others.
I’m feeling a little naive even writing about trying to even define a good or bad person because life becomes really gray really quick. Anyone who has experienced deep pain, tragedy, or sudden change can tell you that. Nothing is black and white. We cannot define things so absolutely, even ourselves. This paradox is what we’re talking about when we say that life really is a mystery. But what I have come to believe is that each person, no matter their past, still has a chance of becoming a part of something incredibly light or tragically dark. Nothing we have done or not done could earn or destroy our eligibility to be a part of the good story. The one that will last.
So then, why not, if given the chance, become something brilliant?