Hey everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve written. About two months to be more specific, so I thought I’d take a moment this morning and write an update about what’s going on and what’s coming up for me. In some ways I’m just writing this for myself to help myself remember all the gifts that have come my way in the recent times. I think, at least for me, it’s really really easy to stop being thankful when you’re working towards a goal or a dream… always feeling behind or like you need to do more. I’ve been feeling that way so much lately… So I want to take a some time to re-center and gain perspective.
About Me Music
My output has been high… since the last time I wrote I went on a little tour run, and have been releasing music and videos along the way. I have entered one of the more challenging time periods of my record release, feeling like I’ve lost some momentum or lost some of my stamina. The last song I released I had forgotten that it was even coming out, if that shows you anything about where my head is at right now! So, with that being said, I am in a time where I’m needing to refocus and slow down in some regards.
To catch you up to date, I have released 5 songs from my new album “Never A Waste.” I am choosing to release my songs one at a time as a way to take advantage of streaming platforms and how I feel like most people consume music in this digital streaming age. So, in the end, it will be a full album available, it’s just each song is coming out on its own. But up to this date, 5 have been released. You can listen to them here. On the other hand, I have pressed vinyl albums for this record, which I am so so pumped about. Having a vinyl of my own music is something I’ve always dreamt about, and this body of work felt so right to press down into this format. So, “Never A Waste” is officially on vinyl. You can pre-order your record on my store here!
In other news, I am performing an album release show at the Georgia Theatre (in Athens, GA) next Tuesday, December 3rd. I have been working on this album for a year at this point, and finally have finished most things pertaining to the music. I wanted to have a time to gather people and share all I’ve been working on as an artist. I can’t wait for this night… especially because I’ll get to play the electric guitar, which I haven’t gotten to do a lot in recent shows. So, if you’re around Athens, come out next Tuesday (Dec. 3rd).
About Me Life
On This day, November 25th, 2019… I’m tired, I’m feeling very slow. I’m feeling restless in a lot of ways. I feel lacking. I feel like I’m so far from where I want to be in almost every area of my life. I’m feeling the full presence of my inability to perform or to see a higher perspective. In this, I know I’m being guided and molded, which is my hope in everything that happens in my life. But, it is where I am. Once again, I am finding that all my illusions are being revealed for what they are: reflections of something deeper and more meaningful.
In the recent month I have found myself growing increasingly exhausted with the internet - how I use it to fill my empty moments or to feel validated or to feel connected to things or people. And the reality is that if I’m honest with myself, I don’t feel really connected to much of anything through it. I know the social media conversation has been beaten to death, so I won’t bore all of us with something that we already know, it’s just I feel like I’m on a journey personally and feel like my life is evolving and growing hungrier for real meaning and connection. The illusions are failing. When I first started releasing all this music, I’d constantly be checking my stream numbers and instagram mentions. And it was so exhausting. It never felt like enough. I always wanted more and I wasn’t thankful for what I did have, but was overly concerned with what I lacked. But strangely over time, I’ve just stopped caring so much. In this place, I’m reminded of a time even just a few years ago when I didn’t know what streaming numbers meant or even felt entitled to having a lot of people press play on my songs. I just simply did music to do music. And this is where I want to return to. I think in some ways, I’ve lost my true self within my desire to succeed, and I want to go back.
And even as I sit here, I feel a pressure for this blog post to amaze you and to be tossed around the internet and in different friend groups all around the universe. But I am reminded… does it matter? I am feeling the pressure to have so much to say - something profound or something revolutionary. But today just feels like today. and I just feel like a person with a lot of feelings but not many words to explain them. and I’m leaning, very very slowly. That this is ok. Thank you for reading my little bread crumb today, talk soon.
-AB